Men have fallen out of their hearts and into their heads misguided by the role models in their lives, by the words spoken to them whilst they grew up or simply by watching the behaviour of others.Men need guidance, more so than women, as men often wear the brunt of conflict when it comes to relationships. They usually accept this, as it has gone beyond them really knowing what is happening with them. So when a man says, “What am I doing wrong?” they truly mean it. Men have fallen out of their hearts and into their heads misguided by the role models in their lives, by the words spoken to them whilst they grew up or simply by watching the behaviour of others.Men need guidance, more so than women, as men often wear the brunt of conflict when it comes to relationships. They usually accept this, as it has gone beyond them really knowing what is happening with them. So when a man says, “What am I doing wrong?” they truly mean it.

By talking about seven year cycles I have seen a pattern form for men in their first cycle up to thirty five years of age. This is when life has no consequences. I can hear you all saying now, “Well, I may as well enjoy myself now as it looks like life gets worse.”  Not at all, you have the ability to change your path, even if you are over fifty. You can recreate yourself into the person you have always wanted to be. You have a long time in this world, so make the most of it.  All you have to do is be authentic, take the mask off, stop being ‘the man’ and let’s just look at the person who is you. When you find the balance you find success, when you find success you find freedom.

If you are feeling stuck there is no doubt you have entered into a cycle. If you are heading towards thirty five you are still enjoying life and struggling with the demands that society is putting upon you. You know you should be doing something ‘grown up’ but do you have too? You are comfortable in your skin. Why change? Why do you have to grow up? But from thirty five to forty two, depending on the threads, it is very common for men to feel restless. This is a period where most men are successful, or approach the success in their chosen field.

42 years old to 49 years old

Then you hit forty two and it becomes more apparent that life can be difficult, especially if you are in a relationship and even more so if you come from a background where relationships were not your strong point. You are just starting to figure out what life is about and it is time for that new direction. You are getting Your voice. There is tremendous unrest in this cycle, for both men and women. This is the cycle where change will occur. The work to cut those threads occurs strongly in this cycle. This is the cycle where you will find yourself. This cycle is less about who we are and more about why we are who we are.

If you wear blinders through the difficult phases of your life you will continue to have cycles of conflict within yourself, or with people around you. This is where the ‘do I stay or do I run?’ enters the head. Conflict seems to be stronger. No matter what you do or how you try to change things, it just does not happen. Life has not become what you intended. So what do they do? Buy a boat, car, motor bike, or wife? Anything to take that void away.

As the years progress those issues may follow you. Building up and building up till they get to their fifties. They become men with ignored issues. What happens to ignored issues? They turn into resentment which turns into a physical issue. Let’s face it, if you are not going to deal with the internal, it may as well present itself externally. So their health starts reflecting the oversights and this is when shutdown occurs. And in desperation the partners/wives/lovers and in some cases the mothers, whether dead or alive, will come to me and ask for help. Trouble is, if a man has reached the age of fifty, it is unlikely he will do the work on himself as it has become too difficult. So medication is the best form of attack, be it prescribed or from a liquor store. However, men between the ages of thirty five and forty nine who are aware, are making significant changes in their lives, whether they are conscious of it or not.

What about those aged forty nine to fifty six and onwards? The physical changes occur. It becomes more apparent that some work has to be done on the internal as the external is giving up. If we have not done the work, this is where the review of our past becomes hard to handle. The mask is put on, whether it self-medicated by taking those heart pills, pills for aches and pains or in most cases, pills to help them sexually, they have put the mask on and will be content in moving on in their lives until such time they move to the afterlife. Should you believe in the afterlife.

So men get on your Harley, drive your sports car, take on that younger woman, do everything you need to do to avoid life, but it will catch up to you in one form or another.

What about the over sixties? There are no fixed boundaries, if you welcome the changes you will delight in this phase of your life.

Men are an important part in evolution. They bring a power and energy that balances it. Few men are taught how to be in tune with themselves, call it ‘spiritual’ if you like. I hesitate to use this term in case you shut down your evolution. Once you connect into your spirit that is where the essence of your masculinity comes out. You become empowered and understand your feelings, and who you are and how you fit int his world. You start to understand the threads that we will talk about. You become better fathers, brothers, lovers, friends and sons. But most of all you become the man you want to be, not the man everyone else wants you to be. Men! Do not lose your place in this world.If you are putting yourself down, then look at the threads and go back to the timeline and see where they originated from, then fix it.

Brigid Curran- from Transform your Psyche, your Journal to Self Discovery.