What’s love got to do with it

 – Brigid Curran

The natural progression to finding love is letting fate play out. However, with online dating sites and apps, this has changed as the need to find someone has become an obsession, for some, a hobby.
Life is spontaneous, as is nature. The best relationships, friendships, events are the ones that occur with not too much planning and no expectations.

Dating Apps have taken the spontaneity of finding love away from nature’s plan. Lonely people connect with other lonely people online and find that this newfound attention causes users to spend days attached to a device absorbed in the words on the screen, often never talking to the person on the phone. This soon becomes an addiction as the new attention being received releases those feel-good hormones, the brain is now telling you that you are in love.

Reality has been dismissed as you have talked yourself into this new relationship, as it feels real. Just like advertising if you hear it enough you believe it.

This new obsession is a hypnotic experience. Your brain has been conditioned to believe that the person is the real deal. As you continue to fill your day with messages and thoughts your reality becomes blurred and you soon believe what you are reading. Then you meet. You are now in your reality. The triggers in your brain have sparked. The fight and flight feeling kicks in as you anticipate the meeting and question yourself. Do you go or do you stay. It is at this time you have woken from your hypnotic state. The cause and effect you unconsciously created have now occurred. At this point, your brain is asking you. Do you leave or do you go?

You may love someone but that does not mean they have to reciprocate. All one can hope for is that you are both in love with each other at the same time.   Finding someone who blends with you, where you do not have to adjust yourself, question yourself, feel insecure about yourself?  This is a relationship.  A healthy relationship. ‘Selling out’ rather than being alone, insecure and unloved is a relationship too. A toxic one! To be in a healthy relationship that person, brings in the same feelings and emotions is honest and open and it is equal.
Love is simple.  It is your head that brings in the insecurities, the fear and other emotions that create toxic relationships.  Everyone deserves love, not a relationship built from need.

Learn to love being single, find yourself and allow love to happen. Do not force, demand, threaten or bribe love into your life.  If you find you are attracted to damaged or toxic relationships.  It may be time that you ask yourself some honest questions.   If you are a person who has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing your own needs this can be destructive for both of you. 

Learn to understand your patterns, your threads and cut them. Then, when you least expect it, watch true love enter your life.

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